This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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