You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if you like me you must not know who I am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
