It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
