I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
