8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize