My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
