He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
