Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
