I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't turn off my feet"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
