Christians are straight up FREAKS
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
