my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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