Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
