White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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