I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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