Say something about gay babies.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
