yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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