You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
