Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize