I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
