Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
