Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
