i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
