I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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