she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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