She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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