Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
