Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
