My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
