Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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