Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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