Just fell off a train. Bad.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
