i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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