I just saw a hot homeless man
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my poor anus
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
