Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
