So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
