I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
