WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
