I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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