You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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