We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
