Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
