there's paper in my vomit.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
