Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
