well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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