forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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