hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
