I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize