exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
