The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
