her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
