The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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