Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
