Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
