I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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