my phone needs a breathalizer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
