so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize