just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think i have herpe
just one?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
