I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
