North Korea, Best Korea!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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