I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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