Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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