I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
