i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
