I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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