I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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