You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize